I thought I am quite a patient and a loving person. Then along came a husband and children and I was pushed to the extreme. I mean it!
My former self was long gone and I have devoted my time and energy to others. I felt lost and torn apart.
Even when I have stepped back and started taking care of myself again. It wasn’t enough. Some ‘me time’ was not enough. Because once I am put back in the ‘boiling water,’ past stories reemerge and the beast from within is unleashed once again.
I have set a goal to be a quiet and loving mum and wife for 2021. Because of that goal, meditation, which is something I sometimes do has now become something I must do.
I am just so proud of myself for being able to find time as little as 10 minutes everyday to meditate. It has been more than a month and I can see the changes and improvements in myself.
This will sound weird to those who have no clue what meditation is and what it can do but I have gained a new skill. I can note or observe a feeling and let it NOT consume me especially if it is a negative one. So, yes, I am proud that I have reach some form of awareness.
Where was I…
I started with Oprah and Deepak’s Meditation app but for the love of me and I am so sorry Deepak but his accent throws me off sometimes. I will continue to use it obviously as I have so many inspirational moments and awakenings with Oprah and Deepak.
Each daily meditation also comes with a special message; encouraging you to journal your thoughts and emotions which I haven’t utilised. So I am definitely starting ‘Creating Peace From the Inside Out‘ again. Also, can it get any more authentic than Deepak Chopra guiding you through mediation?
Discoveries since meditating
I often ask myself – how do I break the anger? Looking back, it wasn’t even anger. It was hurt and feeling unloved by the very people I gave up everything for.
Also, when I started meditation to find ‘inner peace.’ (The intention of inner peace that I have set when I started another meditation app called Headspace.) But along the process, I realised I needed time to heal. There is no “inner peace” unless I have healed.
I think that has been a profound discovery when I recently did a harmonic meditation run by a mum at school, Paris, who is part owner of The Creative Heart Centre. I am hurt and needing to heal.
Harmonic Meditation Experience
Everyone will have a different experience, of course, but these were my observations when i did the harmonic meditation.
I set the intention of inner peace when the meditation started because who doesn’t want inner peace, right? I also had the intention of fully immersing myself and gaining the best outcome from the experience.
Before we began the whole process, we randomly picked an oil (Angel Oil?) from a bag. I got the light magenta oil which from memory is to spark creativity.
As I lay listening to a guided visualisation at first and then to all the different sounds – I felt a lot of tingling sensation along my finger tips especially the left pointy finger; and along my right arm and shoulders (an ongoing “battle” for the latter over a year now.)
There is not one sound I did not like. I thoroughly enjoyed the sounds the different drums/instruments made. It was a beautiful concert for my being.
I lay on the ground feeling very safe, secure and warm. When I came out of meditation I was so calm. I felt uplifted. I spent the weekend after in a very restful and contemplative mode which I feel was brought by the experience.
The Harmonic Meditation runs monthly and I am looking forward to the next one already. I wonder how it would affect me the second time around. I will set the intention of healing.